


Irreversible Step

by Callisto_HK



Series: Irreversible Step [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, Case Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7827751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callisto_HK/pseuds/Callisto_HK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't just say things and then take them back or act like you haven't said anything! It just doesn't work that way. Words can cut deeper than knives and can leave permanent scars on one's soul. And maybe that's it; maybe Tony has finally had enough. /Set in season 10.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Abs." Tony entered the lab around 19.30 and called the Goth. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Abby turned around and looked at him. "Umm, actually yes. Why?"

Tony shrugged. "Nothing, just wanted to see if you had time to go out with me."

"Rain check?" Abby smiled apologetically. "I... Umm, well..." she had never been a good liar; it was hard for her to find an excuse.

"It's alright." Tony smiled. "Yeah, sure, another night." He waved and walked out, leaving Abby to stare at the retreating figure, feeling bad for not telling Tony the truth.

Up in the bullpen, Gibbs had already called it a day and everyone was about to leave when Tony returned from the lab and approached his teammates to ask; "Guys, what's your plan for tonight?"

Ziva and McGee exchanged a look.

"Why do you ask, Tony?" Ziva narrowed her eyes.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Why do _you_ think? I wanted to invite you out for dinner. And by _you_ , I mean _all_ of you." He added before Ziva could say anything stupid about a date or something.

"We have plans."

 _'I've figured.'_ Tony thought. "Can't you change it? I really wanted you guys to come with me tonight."

Tim snorted. "Why would I change my plans to go out with you, Tony? I'm not that desperate."

"What?" Tony exclaimed. "What's so bad about going out with me?"

"Maybe if you stopped acting like a five-year-old, people wouldn't hate spending an extra minute out of work with you, DiNozzo." Gibbs said as he strode into the bullpen.

Tony winced inwardly. That had hurt. "Low blow, Boss."

"Fact, DiNozzo."

"People don't hate spending time with me." He protested.

"Right. That's why you have so many friends." Tim snickered.

"Or why you are so desperate to make us go out with you." Ziva smirked.

Tony studied his... his _teammates;_ hurt obvious in his eyes. He gave a watery smile. "Yeah, you're probably right." He grabbed his backpack and moved from behind his desk. "Enjoy your party, Tim. Have a good night." He said and walked away, using the staircase to get out of the bullpen.

Gibbs looked up from his papers and his eyes followed Tony till he disappeared from his sight. He felt remorseful for the remark he'd thrown at Tony, the younger man hadn't deserved it. Subtly looking at his other agents, he saw that they were equally regretful. "What was that about the party?" He asked abruptly.

"Umm, well-" McGee swallowed.

"It is McGee's Birthday, we are going out to celebrate." Ziva jumped in.

"We wanted to ask you to come with us, Boss. But thought we should wait till the day was over." McGee quickly added.

 _'And you thought it's OK to exclude Tony?'_ Gibbs thought and regretted his words even more. "I'm busy." He said curtly and went back to his work. He didn't want to interfere with his agents' private lives and he didn't want to be there when they clearly had excluded Tony. He thought he'd check on DiNozzo later to make sure that the younger agent knew he hadn't meant it about him being insufferable.

McGee and Ziva grabbed their bags and quietly walked towards the elevator. "I guess we went too far." Ziva said to McGee.

"I don't even know how he's found out about the party. I swear, sometimes he's worse than Gibbs. There's nothing you can hide from him."

"Do you think we should have invited him?"

Tim shrugged. "No. I'm sure he just wanted to tell us that he knows about the party that he's been excluded from. It's his way to ruin my night." He growled.

Ziva looked at him. "I do not know. He did look a little distraught."

"He'll move on. It's Tony we're talking about. I'm sure he'll find a way to make my life a living hell for not inviting him."

"Oh, I am sure he will do that." Ziva chuckled. "Let's go get Abby and..."

Their voice faded away as the elevator doors closed. Gibbs finally looked up from the papers in front of him and stared at his SFA's desk, remembering the last time they all had excluded him from another party.

Damn, what the hell was wrong with him? He knew about the younger man's childhood and insecurities; why was it so easy to be a bastard towards Tony?

Sighing he stood up from his chair; he wasn't going to get any work done. Grabbing his stuff, he was about to head out and go to his agent's place, when once again the Director chose the worst moment possible to call him.

"Gibbs, I need you in the MTAC."

...

That night Tony went home and went straight to bed.

It wasn't even 21.00 and yet he was feeling bone-tired; of course, his teammates' words hadn't helped the matter.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and wished for sleep to come. But it didn't and Tony lay there, staring at the ceiling, and thought about his _so called friends'_ comments.

Earlier that morning, he'd guessed that something was going on and by noon he'd realized that once again everyone was hiding something from him.

In the evening, when he started to ask them out, he actually wanted to invite them all to a restaurant and celebrate McGee's birthday, but of course they already had plans for the night.

He cursed himself for his stupidity; he should've never asked. He'd thought that things had changed, but he was clearly mistaken. He had just humiliated himself by showing vulnerability; yet he couldn't help wondering what else he was supposed to do! He'd learned that they'd excluded him from their party and it wasn't the first time, but he didn't expect them to be so blunt, especially not Gibbs. They had caught him off guard.

_Did they really hate spending an extra minute out of work with him? Was he such a bad friend?_

He turned to his side and stared at the wall.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him and made him feel sick; Gibbs had been the one saying those words. And Tony had spent _so many_ nights in the other man's house. Damn, did that mean that he had been imposing? He'd never thought about it that way; it'd always looked like that Gibbs wouldn't mind having him around. But now, after those words, it just meant that the older man had been tolerating him the whole time, just out of courtesy.

Great. Just _great_. His whole life, he'd worked so hard not to be a burden to anyone; he'd been on his own for more than 30 years, and here he'd found out that not only had he let people get too close to him and had trusted them too much, he'd also put them to trouble with his stupid childish needs.

Man, he'd been so blind. Gibbs obviously didn't want him in his house; why else would he hide his project when he went there to talk to him? And yet the older man had asked him if he still needed an excuse to go there. Well, of course he needed an excuse. He hadn't felt welcome in his Boss' house for a long time now and clearly he'd been right feeling that way.

Berating himself, he got up from bed, changed his clothes, grabbed his overcoat and stormed out of his home.

.

The next morning when Gibbs stepped out of the elevator, he found Tony's gear already at his desk, but the owner of it wasn't there himself.

Last night by the time he was done in the MTAC, it was too late to go to Tony's place; so he'd decided to wait and see how Tony was doing the next day and then talk to him if it was needed.

He had just sat at his desk when his SFA walked back into the bullpen, eyes on a case file in his hands and apparently totally unaware of his presence.

"Morning, Boss." Tony called without taking his eyes from the file.

 _'Or not!'_ Gibbs thought and smiled faintly. There weren't many occasions when you could find Tony unaware of his surroundings.

"What's that?" Gibbs asked indicating to the file in his agent's hand.

"A cold case." Tony replied. "Something caught my eyes and I thought it was worth checking further."

"And?"

Tony finally looked up and the hollowness and desolation in his eyes sent a chill down Gibbs' spine. "And I'm working on it."

Gibbs just stared at him, not sure how to bring up that emptiness in the other man's eyes. He was about to address the previous night's conversation when the elevator dinged and a slightly disheveled McGee left it with Ziva following him, _giggling_ at something that had clearly bothered McGee.

"Hi Boss." McGee greeted. "Tony."

"Gibbs. Tony." Ziva smiled.

Tony looked up and narrowed his eyes when he saw Tim's appearance, but he didn't comment on it and just nodded his head and looked back at the file he was reading.

Gibbs growled. "You drink too much on a school night again and you don't bother coming back to work the next day."

Tim gulped. "Yes, Boss. Sorry, boss."

He glanced at Tony, expecting a snide remark or smirk from him, but when he got nothing he looked at Ziva and frowned.

"What is with the hard work, Tony?" Ziva quipped. "Another one night stand of yours has checked herself into a... Umm, what was that? Psych ward?"

Tony looked up sharply, silently chiding himself for opening up to Ziva and for trusting the wrong people again. "It was a depression treatment facility." He growled. "And no, Zeevah. You don't need to worry about any poor girl."

He went back to his work and Ziva was about to say something else when Gibbs growled again, this time sounding even angrier. "Start working, David or I'll get rid of both you _and_ McGee."

Ziva quickly sat down and turned her computer on.

McGee looked puzzled; he wasn't sure what had gotten into his boss and Tony. Of course, he could remember the previous night and the way Tony had left the office, but this wasn't what he expected to see today. Then again, you'd never know with Tony; for all he knew this could be Tony's way to make him feel guilty.

Shrugging inwardly, McGee promised himself not to react or show anything, even if Tony could manage to get under his skin.

.

The day passed without any events and by the evening, when they were once again ready to leave, no one had found a way to make Tony talk. Finally around 20.00, Abby waltzed into the bullpen and stood in front of Tony's desk, clearing her throat when the man didn't acknowledge her.

Tony looked up and tilted his head.

"You should ask me what I want." Abby instructed.

"What do you want, Abby?"

"Nothing." She smiled broadly. "Actually, I just wanted to invite you out for dinner. You know, instead of last night that I had plans and couldn't go out with you."

Gibbs stopped working and looked up, waiting for Tony's answer; he barely registered it when McGee and Ziva did the same.

Tony didn't say anything at first. He just turned his computer off, slowly stood up and opened one of the drawers. "You mean last night when you went out to celebrate McGee's birthday and didn't know how to tell me that I wasn't invited?"

Abby paled. "How... Oh... Umm, Tony... Look-"

"No, Abby." Tony sighed. "It's OK." He smiled warmly, like nothing had happened and he wasn't upset with the world. "I understand; this wasn't the first time. _I_ shouldn't have bothered you in the first place."

Grabbing something from inside the drawer, Tony walked to McGee's desk and put it on his desk. "Happy Birthday." He smiled. "Last night, I had a table booked in a restaurant to celebrate your birthday; that's why I asked you guys out. But it doesn't matter anymore."

He then grabbed his backpack, murmured a _"Good night"_ and walked out.

There was no word to explain how everyone was feeling after Tony's departure.

Abby just glared at McGee. "I told you this would happen, didn't I?" She spat angrily and then turned on her heel and stormed out of the bullpen; McGee silently took his stuff, grabbed Tony's gift and without a word walked towards the elevators to leave and shortly after that, Ziva followed him.

Gibbs just sat there and tried to analyze what was happening to his team. Last time that they had excluded Tony from a party, the younger man had obviously been hurt, but he hid it amazingly well and was back to his normal self in no time.

This time, Gibbs wasn't so sure things would go that smoothly. This time, Tony seemed so spent.

He wished he hadn't opened his mouth to say anything the other night; that way, there was a chance that Tony'd come to his place and then Gibbs could find a way to make him believe that he wasn't just being tolerated; that he was very much wanted, needed and of course loved. But no, he had to open his big mouth and say the worst thing possible.

Cursing himself, he quickly turned his computer off and left the bullpen before anything else could come up.

He really needed to talk to Tony.

Arriving at Tony's place, he went straight up and knocked, but nobody answered; pulling the spare key out of his pocket, he opened the door, only to find the neatly decorated apartment empty and dark. Tony hadn't come back home.

Shaking his head, Gibbs pulled out his cellphone to call the younger man, but his finger lingered on the speed dial button. _Maybe Tony needed to be alone._ Closing his phone and pocketing it, he headed out of the building and went back home, hoping that everything would get back to normal of its own accord.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**


	2. Chapter 2

Miraculously, the next morning Tony was back to his smiling self. He wasn't brooding when McGee arrived and he even greeted him with a grin.

McGee stopped in front of his desk. "Umm, Tony?"

Tony leaned back in his chair and waited for McGee to talk.

"About... Well, about the gift you gave me last night-... umm," Tim stuttered.

Tony frowned. "What? It wasn't what you wanted?"

McGee's eyes widened. "Oh, no. that's not it. It was great. In fact, I don't even know how you knew I wanted it."

"You might've mentioned it a few months back." Tony shrugged.

"And you remembered?" He had the courtesy to blush a little.

That stung, but Tony rolled his eyes, not letting the hurt show in his eyes. "Yes, McDoubtful. Look, it's no big deal. I'm just glad you liked it. Let's get back to work."

"But I wanted to apologize for..." Tim swallowed. _'How could you apologize for hurting your friend deliberately?'_ "Well, you know for what."

Tony was tempted to make McGee say it instead of just vaguely referring to the issue, but decided against it. "It was _your_ party, Tim. You're free to invite whoever you like. Just because we've been working together for years, doesn't mean you have to like me or see me as a friend. It's fine." He smiled sweetly, but his eyes were distant and something in his tone implied that it was actually anything but fine.

Tim wanted to protest and say that he _did_ like the older agent and he _did_ think of him as one of his friends, but an inner voice stopped him, chastising him and reminding him that people don't exclude their _friends_ from their parties and pretend it's the right thing to do.

"No hard feelings; get back to work." Tony nodded to Tim's desk.

"You don't see me as your friend?" McGee quietly asked; he couldn't help wondering if he'd ruined everything between them. Tony usually wouldn't let things get to this stage; he'd joke around and pull pranks on them and it'd always helped things to get back to normal. So now that the senior agent was actually being nice and talking, it meant something had changed for good.

Tony frowned; if he'd been asked that question the previous week, he wouldn't have hesitated to answer. But now; now things had changed and he wasn't sure anymore.

He really couldn't count on people who didn't want him around; people who never stopped telling him that he wasn't good enough for them. You can't call that a friendship.

So what was he supposed to say? He really wanted to say that it was _Tim_ who'd told him that he didn't have any friends, but instead, he chose to elude. "I'll always have your six."

Right then his desk phone rang and Tony thanked his lucky stars that Tim didn't get the chance to call him on his evasion; he didn't feel like spending the whole day listening to empty apologies and half-assed excuses.

"DiNozzo." He answered the phone and was quiet for a few seconds. "Right. Hang on," he grabbed a file and went through some notes before saying, "That's right... OK. Thanks... Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks again." He hung up and looked at Gibbs who had walked into the bullpen when he answered his phone and now was waiting to see what was going on. "It was about the cold case I told you about yesterday. Still nothing. I'm trying to find one of the witnesses." Tony elaborated.

Gibbs stood there and studied his protégé; part of his mind was still on the conversation between his two agents that he'd just overheard, not sure what to think of it. Before he could turn around and walk to his desk, another call came in.

"DiNozzo." Tony answered again and this time he fell completely silent, a deep frown forming between his eyebrows. After a few seconds he jotted down some notes and then said, "We'll be right there."

Looking at him expectantly, Gibbs sipped his ever present coffee.

"We've got a dead body." Tony said and it seemed like his mind was miles away. "The victim's had my... my business card em-..." he took a breath to calm his nerves. "Embedded in her throat."

"What?" McGee's eyes widened with shock and Gibbs' eyebrows knitted together. Silently, Gibbs walked to his desk to grab his gear, knowing full well that his other agents were doing the same.

They met Ziva right when she was leaving the elevator and since the case was already personal, no one was in the mood to elaborate where they were going.

Tony was looking distraught and stressed up; he didn't know what he was going to see at the scene, but whatever it was, there was a great chance that he knew the victim and it always hurt more.

Gibbs was dealing with his own feelings over their new case. He'd already been worried for Tony because of what had happened the other night and now this case, which was clearly personal, had added to their problems. It couldn't have come at a worst time. He wasn't fooled by Tony's cheerfulness that morning and he knew how easy it was to make Tony feel guilty over something that he couldn't control; so if Tony knew the victim, he sure would start blaming himself.

Tim was still shocked at what he'd heard about the case and still ashamed of his malicious attitude towards Tony.

So, all in all, the only thing that Ziva received from the team was a nod from Tim towards the elevator, indicating that she should follow them or they would leave without her.

She was sure that the dark mood hovering over her teammates was all Tony's fault.

He was probably sulking and making everyone's life a living hell for not being invited to McGee's party.

 _'It is just like Tony to be so petty.'_ She thought, sending a dirty look towards Tony and received a cold glare from Gibbs and a nudge to the ribs from Tim. Tony, on the other hand, was totally oblivious, or at least it seemed so; and for the first time she noticed that Tony looked a little pale and shaken.

Whatever had happened before her arrival must've been bad, because truth to be told, not much could shake Anthony DiNozzo Junior. Only DiNozzo Sr. had that power... Oh wait, maybe he was involved in their case again. That would explain why everyone seemed so morose.

Nodding to herself, she decided that it must be the case. So she kept quiet for the moment, trying to come up with some snide remarks for when they confronted the older DiNozzo so she could tease Tony. Nothing was more fun than getting under Tony's skin when his father was around.

All the remarks she'd come up with appeared to be useless when she saw the crime scene. There were no traces of DiNozzo Sr. and the victim looked really awful.

' _OK, whatever it is, it is not about Senior. So what is it about?'_ She thought as she looked at her teammates, wondering who she could push for some answers.

"Anthony. My dear boy." Ducky said the moment he spotted them and once again Ziva wondered why it seemed like Tony was the center of everyone's attention. ' _Why had Ducky addressed Tony instead of Gibbs?'_

Smiling tightly in response, Tony knelt beside the body on the ground and took a closer look at the battered face of the dead girl. A few seconds later Tony's face paled.

"DiNozzo?" Gibbs called his SFA's name gently; he'd been studying the younger man and the moment Tony's face turned white, he knew that he'd recognized their victim.

"Is she one of your one night stands?" Ziva asked tentatively to see if Tony's distraught was real.

"David." Gibbs growled angrily which shut her up immediately. He then patiently waited for Tony to answer his unasked question.

"She's-" Tony swallowed thickly. "She worked in the coffee shop near my place. She... She couldn't be older than 25." He sounded outraged and sorrowful at the same time.

Ducky handed him the card in the evidence bag. "You shouldn't blame yourself, Anthony."

"Shouldn't I?" Tony grabbed the evidence bag and looked Ducky in the eyes. "The most dangerous thing she'd face in _her_ job would've been burns caused by hot Coffee if she hadn't known _me_. She's dead just because _I_ go to that cafe every morning to order a coffee. She was a student, working to pay her tuition and now..." he closed his eyes briefly. "What am I supposed to tell her parents? That their daughter is dead because her workplace was in the same street that I live in?" Tony's voice was tight with anger and yet it was scarily low and calm.

Gibbs had enough experience to know that a real angry DiNozzo was always calm at first, and when he was like that he was dangerous and ready to attack. He had to do something before Tony made a mistake because of his misplaced anger.

"You wanna be mad at someone, be mad at the bastard who did this." He said firmly to his SFA. "You need to focus, DiNozzo."

Standing up from where he was kneeling, Tony clenched his fists. "I'll take pictures." He announced curtly as he walked away to get the camera from the car.

"Ziva, McGee, bag and tag." Gibbs ordered as he knelt beside the ME. "TOD, Duck?"

Ducky's eyes were still on Tony's retreating back. "At this point, I'd say around midnight, but I can't tell the exact time yet."

"He'll be fine." Gibbs said quietly, knowing that Ducky was worried for Tony.

Ducky looked back at him, concern and a shadow of doubt clear in his eyes.

"I'll make sure of it." Gibbs nodded determinedly, before standing up and walking towards the car.

Tony took longer than it was needed to fetch a camera and stayed by the car to regain his composure, which gave Gibbs enough time to go to him.

"I'll be right there." Tony said quietly from the back of the SUV where he was sitting.

"Take your time." Gibbs replied and stood by his side. After a few seconds of silence, Gibbs decided to say what he had on his mind. "You should sit this one out."

Tony's head jerked up. "What? No."

"DiNozzo-"

"You can't make me."

That earned him a glare from Gibbs. "I can and I will if I think it's necessary."

"Dammit, Gibbs, no." Tony rose to his feet, and Gibbs didn't miss the fact that Tony hadn't called him Boss, which meant Tony wasn't going to _ask_ for permission, he was going to outright defy. "And don't tell me about rule number 10, because you've broken that very same rule way too many times yourself. Being the Boss doesn't give you the right to order us to do things that you, yourself, can't and won't do." Tony towered over Gibbs and that alone said a lot. Even though he was a little taller than the older man, he'd never used it in his own favor and hadn't even shown it. This time, though... This time he was angry and tired and he didn't feel like being cornered by his mentor. This time he felt completely alone and that was adding to the pressure he was feeling in his chest.

Gibbs could easily read the anguish in the younger man's eyes and his gut told him that it wasn't there just because of their current case and their dead body. Heaving a sigh, he opened his mouth to say something, but once again, Tony didn't let him.

"I'm tired of your _'do as I say, not as I do'_ attitude, Gibbs. You can fire me for all I care, but I _will_ see this case through, even if I'm not working for you." He turned around to walk away when Gibbs' gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"I'm just worried." Gibbs decided that being nice would deflate Tony's anger more than anything else.

"Don't be. I can stay professional."

 _'OK, Tony clearly misunderstood_ _him_. _'_ Not that Gibbs could blame him after the last couple of days; ' _or years'._ An inner voice commented sarcastically.

"I thought you knew that, after so many years of having me around." Tony continued coldly. "But then again, obviously I've been turning a blind eye to things that were happening around me for a long time now; assuming things and breaking another rule of yours." He sighed. "Tolerating me must've been hard." He mumbled the last sentence under his breath.

 _'Tolerating?-'_ Gibbs frowned before suddenly it hit him. He'd been the one who told Tony that people didn't want him around more than necessary; of course Tony would think that Gibbs had been tolerating him all these years.

Damn, he needed to make amends or he'd lose Tony for good and just over a stupid comment. "Worried about _you,_ Tony." He clarified curtly; hoping that the younger man could get the secret message behind his words and read his eyes and the remorse and concern in them.

Tony narrowed his eyes and then smirked bitterly. "Yeah, right. Whatever." He said dismissively and walked away; leaving Gibbs with his thoughts and regrets. Things were way worse than he'd initially thought; Tony had taken his negative comment, _his really bad joke_ , to heart which meant taking those words back would be almost impossible now.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	3. Chapter 3

Three hours later, when they were all in the bullpen trying to find a lead or something to crack the case, the phone on Gibbs' desk rang.

"Yes, Abby?" He answered the phone and from the amused look in his eyes, you could say that once again Abby had wondered how Gibbs knew it was her calling him. "Abs? Is there any reason you called me?" He frowned. "Alright." Hanging up the phone, Gibbs stood up. "DiNozzo, with me."

Tony didn't say anything; no ' _yes, Boss'_ or ' _on your six, Boss'_. Nothing. He just stood up and followed Gibbs to the elevator.

Once McGee and Ziva were alone, they both sagged further in their chairs as a heavy sigh left McGee's lips.

"I have never been scared of Tony before." Ziva sounded annoyed, but McGee couldn't tell if she was annoyed merely because she had been forced to confess her fear, or just because she couldn't get this new Tony. "I have never seen him like this before. Not even when his old partner was killed."

Tim shrugged. "I can't really blame him. This case is way worse than that; almost worse than anything else."

"Why would you say that? Tony has dealt with many worse cases."

Tim frowned; how could he explain this to someone like Ziva who once had been an assassin? "An innocent's been brutally murdered because some sick bastard has a grudge against Tony; of course Tony'd be beside himself with anger."

"Are you sure that is what it is?" Ziva raised an eyebrow.

"What else could it be?" Tim narrowed his eyes.

She shrugged. "I do not know. Maybe he is still upset about the party you held and is just sulking."

Tim winced. "Whatever Tony does, he never mixes his personal problems with the job. He might get a little distracted if his father is around, but he never put his feelings or personal issues before the case. You know that." He might not admit that to Tony, but they couldn't lie to themselves.

Ziva sighed; she did know it. "This is going to be one hard case, no?"

"One of the worsts." McGee nodded and looked towards the window, the day was still young and he doubted that anyone of them would get any real rest till this case was closed, and just by the look of it, he could say it wouldn't be easily closed.

And when it was, he still had to make it up to Tony. He couldn't deny that he would've felt terrible if anyone had treated him the way he'd treated Tony; he didn't think he'd want to talk to them or even be around them anymore.

He didn't like to admit it, but Tony was really patient with them and pretty forgiving. The older agent might've teased him mercilessly during the years, but he also had always had his back and never had let him feel abandoned or isolated and that was exactly what they had done to Tony, _more than once_.

Everyone had a breaking point and for all he knew, Tony might've reached his after that stupid party.

Tim couldn't forget that, earlier that morning when he'd asked Tony if they were friends, the ex-cop hadn't given him the answer he'd hoped for. It seemed like Tony had finally given up on them and their friendship; and knowing how truly alone Tony was, he felt even worse for hurting Tony and then mocking him.

He just hoped he, or rather _they_ , hadn't gone too far this time.

.

Exiting the elevator, Tony wasn't prepared to be attacked by Abby. Before he knew what was happening, Abby had her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him so tightly that he was sure he'd turned blue.

He was literally on the edge and it was taking his everything just not to snap at Abby; he really wasn't in the mood.

Fortunately, Gibbs could read him pretty well and before Tony would lose it and do something that he'd regret later, he pulled Abby away and shook his head firmly to stop Abby from jumping back towards Tony.

Abby looked between the two of them for a few seconds and then nodded. "I'm so sorry, Tony."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Tony said with a flat voice, which totally ruined the effect of his reassuring phrase. "What do you have?"

Abby looked at Gibbs worriedly and using sign language, she asked him if Tony was alright.

"I'm alright." Tony replied instead, with a hint of annoyance in his voice. "What do you have?" He asked more slowly, more forcefully.

"You know ASL?" Abby's eyes were wide and despite his effort, Gibbs couldn't help looking a bit surprised.

"No," Tony sighed. "But it doesn't take a genius to know the signs for ' _he'_ and _'All Right'_."

Had it been any other day, Abby would've gone all emotional, but _that day_ everything was different; Tony had never seemed so impatient with her before, so she suppressed the urge to talk about how cute it was that Tony knew those signs and just nodded her head. "Are you sure? I mean you look a little pale and you know the victim and it's always harder when-"

"Abby, please." Tony said tersely.

Gibbs gently pushed Abby towards the lab and took the matters into his own hands. "Why did you want us here, Abby? Have you found anything that could help us?"

"Oh... Oh. Yes." She said excitedly; her mood had changed so suddenly that if some strangers were there instead of Tony and Gibbs, their heads would've spun. She hoped what she'd found could help them close the case sooner so Tony could take a break. "I found you a name."

"A name?" Tony and Gibbs asked simultaneously.

"Yes, it was written on the back of the card and it was written with invisible ink." She announced proudly and showed them the card under ultraviolet light and just like she'd said, a name appeared on the white card; _Martin._

"Martin?" Tony frowned.

"Do you know any 'Martin'? It seems like he's signed his name to show how confident he is; I think he's mocking us and-"

"Anything else, Abs?" Gibbs stopped her before she could start her rambling.

"No. No fingerprints or anything else." She shook her head sadly, "but I'm still going through the evidence. I thought this one was important so I called before being done with everything else."

"Thanks" Tony tried to smile, but it really was hard at that moment.

"OK, let's go, DiNozzo." Gibbs turned on his heel and strode out of the lab.

"Tony." Abby called before Tony was out of her lab, "I'm here if you need to talk, you know?" She said when Tony looked back at her.

Tony blinked and just smiled bitterly before walking out. _'Too little, too late.'_ He thought to himself.

"Does that name ring any bells?" Gibbs asked once they were in the elevator.

"Martin?" Tony looked up at the ceiling, jogging his memory; after a few seconds, as the elevator door opened to their floor, Tony sighed tiredly and shook his head. "Not really. Can't remember arresting someone with that name and can't remember that particular name in any of my cases. But then again-"

"You've worked too many cases to remember every single name." Gibbs finished for him and Tony just nodded.

"OK, let's start with that name. Any idea where to begin?"

"I... I don't know, I think it has something to do with one of my cases in Baltimore."

"Then you start with those cases." Gibbs ordered. "McGee, David, I want a list of people named ' _Martin_ ' and I want it fast. Go through every single case Tony has worked, here or before his time in Baltimore."

"Martin?" McGee asked. "Just that? No surname? Or is that his surname?" He was confused; the senior agents had gone to the lab and were back with just a single name. _'Just what was going on?'_

"That name was written behind the card we found... In the crime scene." Tony's voice was low and emotionless.

"It was?" McGee had looked at the card before handing it to Abby; he sure would've seen it if a name was written there, wouldn't he?

"With invisible ink."

"Wow." McGee looked impressed. "Oh, I mean-" he immediately regretted his reaction when both Tony and Gibbs sent dead glares at him. "I... Well-"

"Just find those people, McGee." Tony sighed.

"Those you arrested?" Ziva asked.

" _Everyone_." Gibbs answered instead. "Arrested. Killed, even the witnesses. Everyone with that name."

"That'd make a long-" McGee started to protest but Gibbs cut him off.

"Oh, excuse me, Agent McGee. I didn't know you were being paid to do _nothing_. This is your _job_. Do it or get the hell outta here." Gibbs all but shouted before storming out of the bullpen.

It'd been a few years since the last time McGee had seen Gibbs that angry and he really didn't know what the Boss' problem was. Tony; he could understand. But what had gotten into _Gibbs_?

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	4. Chapter 4

It was around midnight and everyone was still working, albeit at a slower pace than usual. It was clear that they were beat, but it wasn't the first time that they had to work long hours.

Looking up from the papers in front of him, Tony noticed that both McGee and Ziva were almost asleep where they were sitting and he knew that although the case was important, they were of no use like that. Making eye contact with Gibbs, he moved his head towards the elevator.

Nodding his head slightly, Gibbs spoke up. "Go home. Get some rest and be here at 0600 sharp."

McGee and Ziva looked beyond relieved; they grabbed their stuff and quickly walked out of the bullpen; not waiting to see whether the senior agents would do the same or not, which they didn't; without any words, Tony stood up and grabbed the files from McGee's desk as Gibbs did the same with the ones Ziva was working on.

They sat back at their desks and resumed looking for anyone named 'Martin' in Tony's cases.

Surprisingly, they hadn't found many people with that name and those cases related to anyone named ' _Martin_ ' weren't worth looking into.

So far they had nothing.

The autopsy results showed nothing that would help them with the case; only that the cause of death was massive internal bleeding; Lorie, the victim, had been beaten to death, but judging by the amount of sedative in her blood, Ducky had declared that she hadn't felt a thing. She'd died in a deep sleep.

That wasn't much; the girl was still dead and the next day Tony had to go to her workplace to find an address and inform her parents of her death, but at least she hadn't suffered which was something. Right?

..

The next morning, when McGee walked back into the bullpen, Gibbs was gone to get some coffee and Tony had gone to take a shower before starting another day; or continuing the long day that had started almost 24 hours ago.

Walking back to his desk, Tony found a warm cup of coffee waiting for him. "Thanks, Boss."

"You didn't go home last night, did you?" McGee looked between Gibbs and Tony, feeling bad for escaping the bullpen the first chance he'd got. At that moment, he felt like he deserved to be called a Junior Agent; he hadn't even hesitated before walking out when he was given the permission to leave.

"Still nothing." Tony said instead of a direct answer and leaned back while savoring the fresh coffee. Something was bothering him and he couldn't put his finger on it. Of course the fact that in two hours he had to go and find Lorie's parents' place to deliver the bad news was enough of a reason to rattle him, but it wasn't what was bothering him. He didn't know how, he just knew that it was something else.

Eyeing the box of the Chinese take-out on his desk, his mind drifted to a few nights back, when things looked much brighter.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him and he shoulder stiffened. The coffee cup slipped through his lax fingers and landed on the floor, catching the attention of the two other agents in the bullpen.

"Tony? What's wrong?"

"DiNozzo?"

Gibbs and McGee asked at the same time.

Tony jumped from his seat, his eyes wide and a bit unfocused. "Martin."

"Martin?"

"O God. No. No no no." He felt his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

"DiNozzo, _stop_." Gibbs ordered and crossed the bullpen in three long steps, grabbing Tony by the shoulders. "What about Martin? You remember him?"

Tony's green eyes were filled with pain. "That's not our suspect. He hadn't signed his own name."

"Then what?" McGee looked confused.

Gibbs blinked as the realization hit him. "The next victim?"

Tony nodded his head and quickly grabbed his badge and gun, running towards the elevator. Gibbs did the same and joined him before the doors could close completely.

.

"Who's Martin?" Gibbs asked from the passenger side of Tony's car.

He hadn't argued when Tony'd sat behind the wheel and for the first time, it was Gibbs who was scared of someone else' driving. He, of course, wouldn't say anything out loud, but absently he wondered if Tony would crash his car any moment, considering the high speed and the way he was driving.

"The delivery guy who works in the Chinese restaurant near my place." Tony gritted out. "Damn. Is that bastard going after _every_ one I've ever met? Dammit." He hit the steering wheel hard.

Gibbs opted to stay silent for the moment, realizing that Tony wasn't in a state of mind to actually hear anything he had to say.

Bringing the car to an abrupt halt, Tony jumped out and ran to the Chinese restaurant. Gibbs wasn't sure what Tony would find at that hour; it was 06.40 and the place was closed.

"Back door."

"Back door?" Tony looked back at him with confusion in his eyes.

"The place is closed; we can get in through the back door and check the files to find Martin's address." _'Or see if there's anyone who'd heard from the kid.' H_ e didn't say the last part aloud, but knew that Tony'd heard it nonetheless.

' _Right_.' Tony thought. "Right." He repeated his thought aloud.

They both rushed to the alley next to the restaurant to get to the back door but what they saw there made them freeze in their tracks.

There, behind the large bins, was another battered body with his throat cut and a business card embedded in his throat.

Tony was sure he was about to pass out right then and there, no matter how many times he'd said that ' _DiNozzos don't pass out.'_

Gibbs closed his eyes for a second and ran his fingers through his hair. They'd failed the boy and now Tony would feel even guiltier. Could this day get any worse?

Grabbing Tony's arm, he gently ushered him towards the car and sat him down, telling him to stay there. Tony complied without complaining; showing no resistance at all which caused Gibbs to get worried beyond words but he didn't know what to do at that moment.

Pulling his cellphone out of his pocket, he called McGee and ordered him to inform Ducky and get there. He then walked back to the alley to take another look at the body that had been inhumanely dropped there. They had wasted a full day looking for the _wrong_ Martin.

"I failed him."

Tony's voice startled him; he wanted to growl at the younger man, telling him that he was supposed to stay in the car, but somehow he was happy that Tony had snapped out of it and was at least talking.

"Tony-"

"Don't, Gibbs. Just don't." Tony shook his head sadly. "Why did it take me so long to remember him? Why didn't I remember sooner? I might've been able to save him."

"You don't know that."

"This isn't right."

"No, it's not. But it's not your fault either."

"These people are getting killed because _I_ have enemies." Tony growled.

"You're a federal agent, DiNozzo and you were a cop before that. You've done a great job all these years. You can't help it if some bastard, who should rot in jail, somehow gets free and hurts people in the name of revenge against you." Using so many words wasn't Gibbs' style, but sometimes it was necessary and Tony was definitely worth it.

Those words somehow felt right and Tony knew that his boss was right, but it didn't make him feel any better. "What am I supposed to say to their parents? Look at him; he's basically just a kid."

Gibbs swallowed. That boy _was_ a kid and he knew better than anyone else how hard it was for a parent to hear about their child's death. "You'll tell them that some bastard had killed their kids and you'll tell them that you'll make sure he'd pay for it."

"And if they asked me _why_ their kids have been murdered? What am I supposed to say to that?"

_'Damn. That was hard. He knew if they told them the truth, it wouldn't help anyone, but could they lie?'_

"I can't lie. I won't be able to live with myself." Tony said as if he could read Gibbs' mind, which probably was true.

"That's not a lie. It won't help their families to know their loved ones had died for no reason. This is DC. Crimes happen here every day."

Tony finally locked eyes with his boss. "I-"

"Let me handle it." Gibbs said gently.

"I'm-"

"Not a suggestion." Gibbs stopped his agent. "You need to concentrate on finding this rat. Their families would want closure and you're going to give them that. And you're _not_ gonna blame yourself for something that you had no control over."

Tony didn't say anything.

It wasn't that easy and he knew that Gibbs was aware that this discussion wouldn't be over just like that, but he was tired and didn't feel like arguing with Gibbs; so he bent down and pulled the card out of Martin's throat with a handkerchief.

Gibbs looked at it and saw that this time the note wasn't written with invisible ink. It was a printed note which read: _"Who's next?"_

"No name. That bastard." Tony cussed and barely stopped himself from throwing the card away. "I'll get this to Abby."

Nodding his head, Gibbs walked with him to the street. "Do _not_ try to find these kids' parents. You hear me, DiNozzo?"

"Concentrate on finding this lowlife. Got it." Tony threw over his shoulder as he climbed into his car. He saw in the rear-view mirror that Ducky's van and the NCIS sedan pulled over as he started the car and drove away.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**

**.**

**.**


	5. Chapter 5

It was about two hours that Tony had been back at his desk and despite his words to Gibbs, the first thing he'd done was finding the addresses of their victims' parents before going back to the case to find a way to crack it. He really wanted to have something useful in case those grieving parents asked him about their children's killer.

Less than ten minutes after Gibbs and the other two agents came back to the Navy Yard, Abby rushed into the bullpen, screaming, "I've got another name."

Tony felt his heart sank at hearing those words and he looked up at Abby; waiting impatiently for her to continue.

"I didn't think there would be another name now that the killer has printed his message, but finally I decided it wouldn't hurt if I just made sure and-"

"Abby." Gibbs cut her off, indicating that she should get to the point.

"Right." She nodded at Gibbs and turned around to look the Senior Field Agent in the eyes. "It's Bill. Do you know any Bill?" She looked as worried as Tony did and that was more _for_ Tony than the case itself. She knew that the case was taking its toll on her friend and even though she'd realized that Tony was upset with them all, she was adamant about fixing her mistake; but first they needed to close that case.

Every head turned to Tony as he started to go through a mental list of the people around him who were called Bill.

"Bill... Bill..." he murmured to himself and suddenly his breath hitched in his throat. "I have a neighbor called Bill; he's an old man living on the first floor." He explained and looked at Gibbs.

"Let's go." The older man said as he grabbed his gun and walked out with his SFA.

...

It was hard to explain to Bill why they needed him to come with them or why he needed a protection detail, but luckily the old man liked Tony and had a lot of respect for him, so when he realized that he wasn't going to get any clear answer, he just grabbed some of his stuff and left the building with them.

Gibbs told Tony to take Bill to the Navy Yard and Tony knew that his boss intended to go to talk to Martin and Lorie's families; so he stopped his boss, telling him that he needed to do it himself and his tone left no room for argument.

Gibbs, knowing where Tony's was coming from, finally nodded his head and took Bill to the Yard while Tony went the other way.

...

When Tony got back to the office, he looked even more withdrawn, if that was possible.

Lorie didn't have a caring family; her parents had passed away when she was a child and at the address Tony had found, lived an estranged brother who looked just slightly upset at the news of his only sister's death. That had enraged Tony, but there wasn't anything he could do about it; he just promised himself to find all Lorie's friends and make sure that her funeral would be a great one.

Martin's family was another story. His mother looked like a strong woman, but she almost fainted when Tony told them the news; they were such a nice people that smiled at him and thanked him for informing them personally. Again, Tony made a promise; this time to bring the killer to justice and he swore he wouldn't rest until he did that.

So when he got back to the bullpen, he drowned himself in work, but by 21.30, when Gibbs decided to call it a night, Tony still had nothing and knew that there wasn't anything to do at that time of night.

The thing that scared him was the fact that now that they didn't have another name, their killer could be targeting _any_ one and he didn't really need to share that thought with Gibbs to know that the older man was thinking of the same thing. Gibbs told Ziva to get Ducky and go to Abby's place and stay there with them and ordered McGee to spend the night with Palmer and his wife. It wasn't much, but it beat being alone.

When everyone was gone, he gathered his stuff and looked up to tell Tony to go with him, only to find the other man's desk empty. It seemed like Tony had already left.

A familiar feeling of dread filled his chest and he took his phone to call Tony.

"Boss?" Tony answered after the first ring.

"Where did you go?"

"I'm beat. I need a few hours of sleep. Will be back in couple of hours." The younger agent explained.

"No, you won't." Gibbs said firmly. "You're not allowed to show your face in the Navy Yard earlier than 0600. But that's not my question."

"You asked where I was."

"And?"

"And I'm going home."

"And you didn't notice that I was ordering everyone to stay together?"

The silence stretched more than Gibbs liked. "DiNozzo!"

"That psychopath isn't exactly after _me_ and I don't mind being alone." Somehow it sounded exactly the opposite, like he hated being alone more than anything else in the world and yet he was so used to it that he didn't think anyone would care if he lied about it.

"Get your stuff and meet me at my house." Gibbs ordered, not wanting Tony to stay alone; before he could cut the line, though, he heard Tony talking back.

"No, Boss. Thanks, but I'm fine in my own apartment."

"That wasn't a request, DiNozzo."

"Gibbs. I said I'll be fine. I'm not gonna put you out of your way anymore." His voice was tense and cold. "See you in the morning." And with that the line went dead.

"Dammit, DiNozzo." Gibbs almost yelled as he slammed the phone down on his desk.

Grabbing his own stuff, he headed for Tony's place. If the younger man was stubborn enough to stay away, _he_ would go to him. Tony was probably right about being safe in his own place, but Gibbs wasn't about to take that risk and he sure didn't like the idea of Tony staying alone in that state of mind.

...

There was a knock on the door and as Tony looked through the peephole, he sighed with exasperation and pulled the door open.

Gibbs eyed the weapon in Tony's hand. "You're gonna shoot me, now?"

"What are you doing here?"

Gibbs only tilted his head in response.

Tony stayed silent as well; staring at his boss, he matched the glare Gibbs was sending his way.

Strangely enough, it was Gibbs who broke the silence first. "You gonna let me in?"

 _'Like I have a choice.'_ Tony thought and stepped back to let the older man in. Somehow it was good to know that Gibbs wouldn't be alone that night. He'd been slightly worried; he knew Gibbs was capable of taking care of himself, but since he didn't know his opponent, he couldn't bet on anything just yet.

"We need to talk." Gibbs sat on the couch and looked up at Tony.

"I was hoping you'd just lie there and go to sleep. I told you, I'm dead on my feet." Tony went to his room and was back with a blanket and a pillow for Gibbs.

"The other night." Gibbs ignored Tony's hidden request. "I was joking; you know that, right?"

"We're in the middle of something pretty big. I don't feel like talking about jokes." Tony sounded annoyed and Gibbs knew that the younger man knew what exactly he was talking about. He didn't have a habit of addressing his mistakes or apologizing for them, but the current situation demanded a different approach and Gibbs was man enough to take it.

"You make it easy for us to make you the butt of all jokes and to ignore you." Gibbs admitted.

"Yeah, I'm pretty good at that, aren't I?" Tony chuckled bitterly. "You can thank my father for that. I'm sure you have his number somewhere; what with having become BFFs and everything." He said sarcastically.

"What?" Gibbs frowned.

"Oh, come on! You call him AD!" Tony threw his hands in the air.

Gibbs blinked. _Just how deep did Tony's anger go?_

"And I'm pretty sure it wasn't all a joke." Tony continued, his voice cold and emotionless. "Don't pretend it was."

Shock and remorse made Gibbs stay quiet, but Tony, taking the silence as a sign for another admission, just shook his head tiredly and walked to his room, closing the door behind him.

The soft click of the key turning in the hole aroused Gibbs from his stupor. "Damn, damn, damn." He cursed quietly under his breath when he realized what had just happened and threw the pillow towards the window.

' _Damn McGee for excluding Tony from his stupid party. Damn Tony for making it easy for them to unload their frustrations on him. Damn... Damn his big mouth and him for saying those hurtful words.'_

He'd pretty much called Tony a burden and a third wheel and he knew all along how much Tony hated to be one. Damn him for being a bastard towards Tony all the damn time.

...

Gibbs left Tony's place a little before five in the morning, so he could get home and take a shower and change his clothes for the new day and he was at the office at 05.45 only to find Tony already there. Tony looked up at him with weary eyes and for a moment Gibbs thought that the younger man had heard some more bad news and was just too spent too act on it.

"How long have you been here?" he queried.

"Just arrived." Tony shrugged.

Gibbs put the cup of coffee in front of him and turned his back on him in order not to see the surprised look on Tony's face. Two days in a row he'd brought his SFA coffee; he knew it wasn't good for his reputation.

Half an hour later, McGee and Ziva walked into the bullpen, both looking well-rested and fresh.

' _At least some of us have had a good night.'_ Gibbs thought as he assessed his team.

They worked in silence for three hours; going through the evidence from their other cases to see if they could find a match to the handwriting on the cards or at least a clue in the way the murders had happened.

Around 09.30, one of the security guards walked into the bullpen and stood in front of Tony's desk. "Agent DiNozzo, this just came for you." He put an envelope on Tony's desk and before anyone could say anything, he added, "It's been scanned and everything looked safe. Do you need anything else?"

Gibbs' voice came from behind him, making him jump a little. "Who asked you to bring this to Agent DiNozzo? How long ago was that?"

"Umm, some... Some boy, agent Gibbs and it couldn't be more than 20 minutes, Sir." the young man stammered. "We didn't have any reasons to stop him, Sir and we followed the procedure and scanned the envelope."

Gibbs growled something under his breath and dismissed the guard before looking at Tim. "McGee, check the footage."

As McGee started to go through the footage, Tony cautiously opened the envelope and looked inside, finding just another one of his business cards with a note behind it which read, "Congrats; you saved your dear neighbor. But what about Alison?"

Tony's blood ran cold. Alison? Who was Alison? He was sure he didn't know any Alison, which meant he couldn't save this one.

"DiNozzo?"

"I... I don't know any Alison, Boss." he looked up.

"You sure?"

Tony shook his head. "Do you have any idea how many people I'm in contact with each and every day? I don't know the name of every single person I meet and for all we knew she could be just working in one of the shops I buy my groceries from."

"You mean you buy groceries?" Ziva snorted and quickly regretted it when Tony's furious glare landed on her.

"For crying out loud, can't you just shut your mouth for one minute?" Tony growled at her angrily.

"DiNozzo, go get some air." Gibbs ordered immediately, trying to placate his SFA and made a mental note to give Ziva a tongue-lashing.

Tony set his jaw as he stood up and walked quickly out of the bullpen; but he wasn't fast enough not to hear Gibbs starting to rebuke Ziva in a harsh tone, which surprisingly calmed him down to some extent.

He was walking towards the cafe near the Navy Yard when something caught his eyes. It was a name, written in red and bold font on the glass door of a small shop.

 _Alison_.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	6. Chapter 6

_Tony was walking towards the cafe near the navy yard when something caught his eyes. It was a name, written in red and bold font on the glass door of a small shop._

_Alison._

* * *

 

It was a small antique shop, run and managed by an old woman named Alison.

During his whole career, Tony had stepped in that shop only once and it was because he'd heard some suspicious noises coming from the inside and had thought that it was better to go in and make sure everything was alright.

It'd been at least two months ago and the mere thought of it sent a cold shiver down his spine. _Just how long had that psychopath been stalking him without him being any wiser?_

Fishing around in his pockets, he pulled out his cellphone and quickly called Gibbs. "Boss, I think I know who this ' _Alison'_ is." He paused shortly to listen to what his boss was saying, "no, it's the antique shop near the cafe. I'm going to-" he didn't get to finish his phrase as a sharp pain in his left shoulder took his breath away and moments later he found himself sprawled on the cold hard ground, gasping for air.

It was only then that he realized he'd been shot, most probably by a sniper and apparently it was supposed to be a kill shot into the heart which would've been _if_ Tony hadn't stepped forward at the last moment.

Cradling his left arm against his chest, he crawled with his right arm and pulled himself behind a car, trying to come up with some ideas to save his life and the life of the old woman working in that shop.

His tired mind vaguely registered the sound of people screaming and running away and with some effort he pulled himself a little up to peep out and see if he could locate the shooter. Of course, that task wasn't as easy as it first seemed and Tony couldn't really locate his opponent but be had a pretty good idea where the shooter must've been hiding.

Sagging to the ground and leaning against the car that he was hiding behind, he looked around and spotted his cellphone a few feet away. Absently, he wondered how long it'd take him to get his hand on the device to call for help. But the thing was that he was feeling so drained, physically and emotionally, that giving it a few minutes before trying to reach for his fallen cellphone, suddenly sounded like such a great idea.

He wasn't sure how long he'd stayed in that position with his eyes closed, but to him it didn't feel like more than a minute or two before he felt a presence by his side. Opening his eyes, he found Gibbs crouching in front of him, putting his hands over the wound to his left shoulder and pressing down hard.

"Hey... Hey, Tony! You with me?" Gibbs said in a tone that he hadn't heard for a long time.

He wanted to nod and ask about the shooter; about Alison; about everyone else who'd been in that street, but he felt a bit detached from his body, so he just stared at the older man, his face slack and pale.

The added pressure on his throbbing shoulder brought him back and he barely had time to muffle the cry of pain.

"Answer me, DiNozzo." Gibbs growled.

"I'm-..." he coughed, "I'm good... Bo-... Boss."

"Yeah, I can see that." Gibbs, himself, looked kinda pale and distressed which wasn't a look that you'd see a lot on Gibbs. "What happened, Tony?"

Tony shook his head slightly.

"Gibbs, the shooter is gone;" Ziva's voice came from somewhere above his head. "The bullet must have come from the building." She pointed towards somewhere behind Tony and he would've turned around to look if he hadn't come to the same conclusion earlier; or maybe if he had any energy left.

"You and McGee, go check the building." Gibbs ordered and when he found McGee still hovering over Tony, he growled. "Now, McGee. There's nothing you can do here."

"Hang in there, Tony." McGee said curtly before quickly walking away with Ziva.

"Did you hear him, DiNozzo? Hang in there." Once again, Gibbs' tone was gentle.

"Not... Not going anywhere." Tony sighed. "Alison?" His eyes widened and his breath hitched as he tried to push himself up.

"Easy." The ex-marine instructed and stopped him before the younger agent could move any further. "I sent an agent to check the place. She's not there. Some young man is working today."

Tony frowned, when had that happened? He was sure he hadn't been lying there that long. "How did... you-"

"We were on the phone; remember?" Gibbs answered the unfinished question. "You stopped talking and then I heard people screaming. I thought you-" he trailed off and Tony looked up with bewilderment. "Hang in there. You're gonna be alright." Gibbs continued.

Tony wanted to comply and say something, but his eyelids had another plan and drooped despite his wish to stay awake.

"DiNozzo? Tony!" Gibbs shook him gently to no avail; the man under his hands was out for the count. He was losing blood pretty fast and it was scaring Gibbs more than he'd like to admit.

He wasn't ready to lose another agent and he sure as hell wasn't ready to lose _Tony_. He'd never _ever_ be ready to lose Tony; not to another team and definitely not to death. It just wasn't an option.

Earlier, he'd thought the worst when Tony had stopped talking so abruptly and he'd heard terrified screams coming from the other side of the phone.

Despite his yelling, _and even pleading_ , the younger man wouldn't answer him which was why Gibbs had been pretty sure he'd find his agent on the ground with a bullet hole between his eyes and it'd filled him with dread, _almost_ bringing tears to his eyes.

He'd thanked any gods that might be listening when he'd found Tony crouching behind a car and although the amount of blood that had covered the sidewalk was alarming- _there was a trail of blood on the ground, showing that Tony'd pulled himself towards the car-_ , at least the younger man still had a chance; it wasn't over yet and Gibbs was determined to keep things that way.

"What do we have here?"

Gibbs blinked in surprise when he realized that he'd been so caught up in deep thoughts that he hadn't noticed the paramedics arriving.

"Gunshot wound to the left shoulder. He's lost too much blood already." Gibbs knew that he didn't need to mention the last part since it was clear how much blood the younger man had lost, but he wanted to make sure they knew how dire the situation was. Moving his blood covered hands, he let the paramedics have access.

"What's his name?"

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo."

The girl nodded and smiled at him like she wanted to comfort him with her eyes. Gibbs would've rolled his eyes and growled something rude if she wasn't in charge of saving Tony's life.

"Alright, Agent DiNozzo, think you can open your eyes for us?" The other paramedic who was a man slightly older than the first paramedic tapped Tony's face. Looking at his partner, he said, "Hook him up to a bag of Saline and inform the hospital." He himself started to take care of the wound for the moment to slow down the bleeding.

"We need to move fast; you coming with us, Sir?" The girl addressed Gibbs while doing what she was told.

Gibbs took a look around and noted the NCIS agents who had the whole area under control; Agent Ross, the Lead Agent of another team nodded to him, indicating that he knew Gibbs needed to go with Tony. "I'll tell McGee and David that you're gone. Go, Gibbs and tell Tony to get well soon."

Making up his mind, Gibbs hopped in the back of the ambulance, trying to stay out of the way so the man could save Tony's life while the girl drove them to the hospital.

It didn't take them long to reach Bethesda and from there, things happened way too fast for a tired man like Gibbs to remember every single detail.

Three hours later, Gibbs was still standing behind the doors of an operating room, hoping against hope that Tony wouldn't succumb to the pain, blood loss and more importantly the despondency that he clearly had been dealing with recently.

Gibbs, once again, cursed himself for playing an important role in putting that forlorn look in the younger man's eyes. Hadn't Tony been through enough?

"You here for Agent DiNozzo?" An old doctor asked as soon as he spotted Gibbs standing in the waiting room.

"How's he?" The Lead Agent asked instead of directly answering the question.

"He pulled through. It wasn't easy, but we managed to stabilize him and repair the damage to his shoulder. He's lost quite a lot of blood which will take some time for us to replace and the bullet has torn muscles, ligament and tendons and shattered his left collarbone; but a couple of inch lower and it'd have gone right through his heart. So he's been lucky if you ask me."

Gibbs would never say it out loud, but the thought of a bullet ripping Tony's heart apart would haunt his dreams for a long time. "Will he be alright?" He needed to make sure; the damage sounded severe.

"It's too soon to say anything about a full recovery, but we're cautiously optimistic. We did everything we could for now. He's going to need lots of rest and then weeks of physical therapy to regain full function and sensation of his left arm and it's gonna be painful, but with the right amount of exercise and enough time he should be fine."

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	7. Chapter 7

Gibbs made a call to Vance and one to McGee to see how things were going with the case and then went back to Tony's room. He couldn't leave Tony alone, not when the younger man was in no shape to defend himself against some lunatic who was out there looking for revenge.

After his surgery, Tony had been sent to a private room in the orthopedic ward. He'd regained consciousness briefly in the recovery room, but was still too out of it to realize what was happening around him.

Gibbs was on his third cup of coffee when Tony started to stir again.

"About time." A small smile tugged the edge of Gibbs' mouth as he watched the younger man looking around the room hazily.

Tony knitted his brows and it was clear that he was trying to remember what had happened that had landed him in a hospital.

"You were shot." Gibbs helped knowingly.

Tony blinked a few times and stared down at his arm and shoulder in the sling and little by little everything came back to him. Swallowing thickly, he looked up and eyed the cup in Gibbs' hand, causing Gibbs to let out a snort. "No coffee for you. I can get you some water, though."

The older man put his cup of coffee down and grabbed the glass from the bedside table and helped Tony with it.

After a few sips, Tony's mind _and_ eyes were much clearer. "What's the damage?" He asked tiredly, looking down at his arm again.

"Torn ligament and muscle; broken collarbone. Much better than a hole through your heart." Gibbs reported, sounding both relieved and dejected.

Tony winced at the last part.

"You'll be fine."

Tony sighed. "Alison?"

"I told you at the scene, too; she's out of town."

"You did?" Tony looked confused. "No, you didn't."

Gibbs glared. "Said she's not in the shop."

"Well, you didn't say she's out of town."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.

"So, do we know who the shooter is?" Tony asked hopefully. That shooting might've landed him in a hospital, but he was OK with it if it meant that no more innocent people would get hurt because of him.

Gibbs looked satisfied. "We do. Mark Clarkson. Seems like he's done playing games and that's why you are hurt." He didn't need to say that this Clarkson guy hadn't exactly intended to just injure Tony; he wanted the ex-cop dead.

"Mark Clarkson?" Tony blinked with shock and disbelief. "I... I remember him. He was sentenced to life."

"He's out on parole." Gibbs' eyes darkened as he uttered those words.

"What?" Tony's eyes widened. "What the hell?" He looked agitated. "He'd killed three people before I caught him. _Three innocent_ men. And they just set him free?"

Gibbs had nothing to say. He was just as infuriated.

"We put our lives in danger to catch these bastards and they get released a few years later because of their so called _good behavior_ only to kill more innocents? Who the hell has signed his parole?" Tony's heart rate had escalated and he was breathing hard.

Putting a hand on Tony's shoulder, Gibbs talked in a low voice. "Calm down or they'll sedate you... Hey, DiNozzo... Tony, snap out of it." He said more forcefully when it seemed like that Tony was too stressed up to even hear his voice.

Finally, after a couple of minutes, Tony's breathing calmed down and Gibbs dismissed the nurse who'd come in to check on her patient.

"Do you know where he is?" Tony asked after a few minutes of silence.

"McGee and Ziva are on his tail. He can't go anywhere."

"But he can hurt more people."

"No; like I said, it seems like he's done playing. Now he just wants revenge and he wants it now."

Tony knew what that meant. It meant that he was the only one in danger and not so surprisingly, it made him feel better.

"We think that he'd just wanted to get you out of the building so he could shoot you and that's why he sent the last card and didn't kill anyone else to get to you."

"We need to catch him."

"We will."

"No, I mean-"

"Don't even think about it, DiNozzo." Gibbs growled; he knew full well what kind of thoughts were going through Tony's head. The Senior Field Agent was thinking about using himself as a bait to lure Clarkson out, so they could catch him, but it was too dangerous, especially in Tony's current condition.

"You're not going to be alone until we get this bastard. An agent will always be by your side if I'm not here and that's it." Gibbs said firmly.

"I can take care of myself." Tony said through clenched teeth.

"You were shot this morning. You almost died of blood loss and you need long term physical therapy to get back in shape." The ex-marine stated matter-of-factly. " _You. Will. Not._ Stay alone. Not till this rat it out there." He added in a gruff tone.

Tony knew a lost argument when he saw one, so he just sighed and closed his eyes.

Gibbs studied his agent for a few seconds, wondering if he should open his heart to him and tell Tony how he really felt. You'd think that after so many years, he wouldn't need to use words to show the younger man how much he cared, but then again, he'd been the one who after so many years had put his foot in his mouth. A few words of praise, even from the functional mute wouldn't hurt. "Tony, nobody wants to see you hurt. Not just because you're needed in the team; because we care. Get this into your thick head. We're your friends."

"Friends?" Tony snorted at that; not buying into the very rare positive words that were leaving Gibbs' mouth. "We absolutely are _not_ friends."

"Oh, so that's what you think of us? Just a bunch of coworkers?" Gibbs snarled.

"No." his eyes snapped open. " _I_ am not the one who thinks that way. _You_ are. You and everyone else who I happen to know. You want to put a protection detail on me, I understand that; we need to catch this bastard and I can't do it alone from a hospital bed; but don't act like you care or like you actually _want_ to be here." Tony knew that he was being a bit unfair; Gibbs and his _teammates_ might not see him as a friend and they might be harsh to him every now and then, but they sure cared enough not to want him hurt, physically at least. Especially Gibbs had _usually_ , _most of the times_ , been there for him through hard times.

But the fact that they didn't care about his emotions and feelings was worse and he had been under so much pressure lately that he didn't think he could be very understanding or forgiving towards anyone for a while.

"The hell?" Gibbs blistered. "Why else would I waste my time staying here?"

"Waste, huh?" Tony smirked bitterly.

Gibbs' anger deflated instantly. _'Dammit; why was it so hard to use the right word?'_ He closed his eyes and sank in the chair beside the bed. "I told you, I didn't really mean what I said the other night. I was just joking. Bad joke. And by ' _wasting_ ' I didn't mean that I don't want to _be_ here. Dammit, DiNozzo, you know me."

 _'Do I?'_ Tony thought sadly and shook his head. "Gibbs, just go back to the Navy Yard and send someone else to stand guard." Tony ignored the older man's attempt to amend. He was too tired of the not so friendly jabs. "And please leave me my gun, too. My right hand is just fine and I'd rather have it around in case Clarkson decided to pay a visit."

"Not going anywhere."

"Gibbs, please."

"I'm not going anywhere, DiNozzo. There's nothing more important to do."

Tony closed his eyes and turned his head away; it was painful with a broken collarbone, but right then, he really didn't want to be in a same room as Gibbs. It might sound childish, but he liked to think that he was pretty vulnerable and in pain at that moment which meant he was entitled to act a bit childish, right? Besides, he was sure that yelling and throwing Gibbs out would hurt more, so he just didn't have any other options.

He was thinking that although the older man might not really want him around, he still could read him pretty well; that was something Gibbs was really great at and Tony wasn't up to put on any masks at that moment.

A few minutes passed in silence and once Gibbs felt that Tony had calmed down some, he decided to talk again. "I enjoy your company. I like it when you stop by my house and I'll deny it if you say this to anyone else, but I look forward to it."

Tony was looking at Gibbs again, because it's rude not to look when someone's talking to you, but his face didn't show any emotions. On the inside, though, his felt mixed emotions rummaging through his heart at hearing those words, and yet he didn't dare to get his hopes up; and wasn't it funny that the older man was still saying those things in private and admitting that he'd deny it if anyone ever repeated them? Didn't it mean that he either didn't mean those words or thought so little of him that he didn't want anyone else to know he enjoyed the company of the younger man?

Last week after the humiliating night he'd had in the bullpen, he'd promised himself not to let anyone close again. He'd made that mistake once he'd started working with these people and now it was too late not to care; and it just wasn't like Tony to stop caring; he still cared a lot about his father and he'd been the biggest bastard throughout his whole childhood and many years after that. And NCIS and his colleagues were his home and his second family, his _only_ family, in more than one sense of the word and although they'd hurt him again and again, he just couldn't stop caring about them.

That didn't mean that he'd let them hurt him again. Enough was enough and he'd simply had it. He had no intention of letting his barriers down again and had decided that in order not to get hurt again, the best approach was to keep people at arm's length. Some people meant to be alone and apparently he was one of them.

"I mean it." Gibbs insisted when he got no reaction from Tony; he knew that there was a day that Tony would beam at hearing words like that and Gibbs always thought, rather foolishly, that Tony was still the same and it kinda hit him hard when he saw that Tony had completely shut him out; that he'd been put in the same category as DiNozzo Sr. that when he said positive words, Tony didn't believe him and didn't react in any ways.

It _hurt_.

An awkward silence fell upon them and for the first time Tony wasn't willing to break it. He just looked at his boss coldly, like Gibbs hadn't just done the oddest thing by showing feelings and being nice.

"You mind if I get some shut-eye? You don't need to stay." He finally questioned out of politesse, but he was so tired that he couldn't wait to hear Gibbs' answer and soon he was out of it.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	8. Chapter 8

The next time Tony opened his eyes, the room was so bright that he had to blink a few times to get a clear vision of everything. He was alone in the room but a couple of seconds later the door to the bathroom opened and McGee walked out.

"Oh, hey, you're awake."

It was on the tip of his tongue to say _'You think, McObservant?',_ but he stopped himself right in time. Staying quiet, he just studied the younger agent.

When McGee saw that Tony wasn't about to say anything, he decided to start the conversation himself. "Boss had to go back to the office to take care of a few things."

Tony still didn't comment.

"I didn't have much to do, so I thought I'd hang around." McGee shrugged uncomfortably.

Tony kept staring at him.

"Um, Tony?" Tim sounded alarmed and a bit scared. "Can you... Umm, can you hear me?"

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yes."

"Oh, good." he smiled and heaved a sigh of relief. "Good."

Damn, it was like McGee had switched places with his old self; the one who'd just started working as a field agent and wasn't sure how to act around other agents.

"So? What's up?" He asked when Tony remained quiet.

Tony raised an eyebrow. _'Seriously, what did Tim expect him to say in answer to that question? He was in a hospital for God's sake, what news could he possibly have?'_

"Oh... Umm, I... Well, I... You know what? Forget it. I'm terrible at small talk." The junior agent stammered.

"What are you doing here, McGee?" Tony finally took pity on him; he would've grinned if he was in the mood, but well, he wasn't. "You look like shit. Go home and get some rest."

"Oh, no. I can't. I'm your protection detail." His eyes then widened a little, like he'd just realized what he'd said. "No, I mean well, yes, I _am_ your protection detail, but I actually wanted to make sure you were alright, too."

Tony tried to smile and much to his chagrin, he failed. _He was great at undercover work, why was it so hard to smile these days?_ "I'm good, thanks." He sighed. "But seriously, go home... or I don't know... Go back to the office. I can take care of myself. I probably will be discharged today. No point for you to waste your time here."

McGee looked hesitant; he wasn't sure what to do. On the one hand, Gibbs had ordered him to stay there. On the other hand, he could help more in the office and if they got their suspect, Tony would probably rest better, right? Besides, it was really uncomfortable to spend the whole day in one room with this reserved and quiet Tony. "Are you sure?" He finally asked.

"Positive." Tony nodded his head and watched as the younger man murmured a _goodbye_ and walked out of the room, clearly relieved.

' _Was he such a bad company that Tim looked so stricken when he had to stay by his side?'_ He mentally shook his head; what was he expecting? His team didn't really think that highly of him, of course they'd look troubled if they'd no choice but to spend their time with him.

Part of him knew that it was the drug in his system that was turning him into a drama queen and he hated it, so he just closed his eyes again and drifted off, hoping to feel stronger the next time he opened his eyes.

He hadn't had his eyes closed for more than a few minutes when the door to his room opened again and someone walked in. He wanted to groan and tell whoever it was to leave him alone, but something was off. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he smelt the old, yet familiar odor of cheap cologne.

Keeping his eyes shut, Tony tried to keep his breathing slow and even, so that Mark Clarkson would think he was still out for the count.

Gibbs had refused to leave him his gun, telling him that it was against hospital policy _and_ that he wasn't allowed to shoot anyone, anyway, not until he was cleared for duty again; but at least, he'd left him his knife which Tony was currently clutching in his right hand, waiting for the right moment to use it.

Mark had never been the sharpest tool in the box, neither had he been patient; the fact that he'd stopped playing games after killing his second victim showed that he hadn't changed much in prison and Tony hoped that he still was a little bit dumb, which unfortunately seemed to be one of the characteristics that had changed in him.

"I know you're awake. Drop the act." He snarled. "I won't make the same mistake twice."

"Which would be?" Tony asked and opened his eyes, hatred and disgust clear both in his tone and his eyes.

"I underestimated you once; won't happen again." The other man clarified with a malicious smirk at the corner of his mouth.

Tony looked totally unfazed. "You'll never get away with this. Everyone knows who you are and they're looking for you." He stated confidently.

Mark rolled his eyes. "They won't find me."

Admittedly, he was looking different from the picture that they had of Mark Clarkson, but Tony wouldn't say it aloud.

"Besides," Clarkson continued, "I don't care. All I care about is killing you and I want to see the fear in your eyes when I do that."

"Then why did you try to shoot me from a rooftop across the street?" Tony smirked. "And it would've been a quick death, mind you, have I not moved." He mimicked Ducky's calm demeanor and tone of voice.

Mark shrugged. "Well, let's just say my plans changed after that. You betrayed me; you pretended to be my friend and then you stabbed me in the back. You deserve a slow and painful death."

"I cleaned up the streets from you, you dirtbag." Tony said coldly while quietly he willed his opponent to get closer to him.

"And I'm going to clean up the same streets from you, you backstabber." The criminal growled angrily. Taking one last step forward, he pulled out a sharp knife and put it on Tony's neck, pushing it down only a little bit.

Instantly there was a stream of blood welling up from the wound on his neck and Tony knew that although it was risky, if he didn't act quickly, Mark would succeed and he'd be dead in no time; which meant Mark could get away with murdering those innocent kids and disappear for good.

He couldn't let that happen; he owed those people who'd died in revenge against _him_ ; he owed their families. He couldn't let their deaths be in vain and he couldn't let their killer walk away.

Moving was hard with his left arm strapped to his chest, but he was trained and seasoned; so, with one fluid motion, he brought his hand out from under the sheet and dug the knife into the other man's chest. "This... Was for Lorie." Tony spat.

Mark's eyes widened in shock; he'd once again underestimated Anthony DiNozzo and this time he was going to pay for it with his life and if he was going to die, he'd make sure he'd gotten his revenge first. He pushed the knife harder against Tony's neck but Tony, despite being the one in the bed, was faster; he pulled the knife out and then once again dug it, this time upper, in Mark's chest.

It was a daunting task with the position he was in, but he had no other choices. "This one... Is for Martin." He panted.

Mark let out a laugh. "Their death _did_ hurt you. Good." He pulled his own knife back and turned it between his fingers so he could dig it in Tony's throat when Tony twisted the blade inside his chest and then pushed the psychopath back.

 _'He still_ is _a little bit dumb.'_ Tony thought tiredly.

Mark staggered back and fell on his butt. Coughing up blood, he looking down at his own chest with bemusement and merely moments later, he dropped to his side and his eyes fixated on something under Tony's bed, unfocused and glazed over.

Tony's vision was getting darker, too and for the first time he noticed the warm blood covering the front of his hospital T-shirt. Apparently Mark'd got him better than he'd initially thought.

The last coherent thought on his mind was that he should reach for the button to call for a nurse, but his hand never reached its goal and a few inches from the call button, it went slack as Tony lost consciousness.

...

Back at the office, Gibbs, who was checking some of the files, heard the telltale sound of an elevator arriving and feeling something in his gut, he turned around in his chair to see who was exiting the elevator and his eyes widened in shock when he spotted McGee. "What the hell are you doing here? Who's with DiNozzo?" He roared.

"Umm, well, he didn't want me there. He pretty much asked me to leave." McGee looked miserable; he knew Gibbs would be furious, but he didn't think he could stay with Tony in that room and he seriously doubted that Mark would be stupid enough to go after Tony in the hospital. "I swear, Boss, I-"

"What part of protection detail was not clear to you?" Cutting McGee off, Gibbs yelled at the junior agent. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He didn't wait for an answer as he grabbed his gun and ran out of the bullpen. His gut was churning and he knew that it had something to do with Tony.

On his way to the hospital, he called ahead and asked them to check on Tony. He had to hang up since they wouldn't stay on the line to give him a report, but he really hoped that he hadn't been late in saving his best agent and that McGee's rookie mistake - _or was that just selfishness-_ hadn't cost Tony his life.

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	9. Chapter 9

Once Gibbs got to the orthopedic ward, the chaos in the ward told him everything that he didn't want to know, but when he reached Tony's room he saw something that he hadn't expected to see; there, in the middle of room, was the dead body of Mark Clarkson.

It was over.

The man was out of Tony's life for good and it clearly had been Tony who'd made sure of it; if the knife in Mark's chest was anything to go by.

Tony had proved his point about being able to take care of himself but that didn't mean that Gibbs wouldn't rip McGee a new one for leaving his post, because no matter how competent Tony was, he was still injured; any number of things could've happened; Tony could've-... Hang on a second, where was Tony?

Gibbs' eyes finally left the dead man on the floor and traveled to the bed he knew would be empty; obviously, they wouldn't let Tony stay in that room anymore but... Wait, was that fresh blood on Tony's sheets? Could it be just Mark's blood? Maybe it didn't belong to Tony at all. Feeling his gut churn, he knew he wasn't right.

"Agent Gibbs!"

Gibbs turned around to see a nurse standing at the threshold, looking a little disheveled.

"Just what the hell has happened here?" He asked in a gruff tone.

"I'm so sorry, Agent Gibbs, but none of us heard a thing. I don't know how, we just-" She shook her head ruefully. "When you called us, we were sure that everything was alright, but when we came to check on Agent DiNozzo, we found this guy on the floor, _dead_ ; we didn't touch anything once we were sure he was dead... And... And Agent DiNozzo needed immediate help, so we left this guy here to help him."

Gibbs' heart sank at those words. "He... Where's Tony? What's happened to him?"

The nurse looked unsure, "His doctor should tell you this, but well... He had a deep cut on his neck which was bleeding freely." She took a deep breath. "Good thing you called when you did, because the next round of checking wasn't for another half an hour and Agent DiNozzo didn't have that much time. He'd already lost too much blood."

"Where's he _now_?" He gritted out again. ' _Why wouldn't she just answer the most important question?'_

"He's settled in another room now that his doctor's stitched his throat. He's receiving a transfusion as we speak, but there were some complications due to blood loss."

Gibbs just glared at her, contemplating on either shaking her to make her talk, or walking away to find a doctor.

"His heart stopped once." She finally informed Gibbs and no, it did _not_ make him feel any better; in fact, it only made him feel ten times worse.

Right then another face appeared behind the nurse; Gibbs recognized him as Tony's doctor and was grateful when the other man sent the nurse away and started to talk. "Agent Gibbs, I assume your first priority is Agent DiNozzo's health, so I'll start with that." He motioned with his head towards the right end of the corridor and continued, "as Carina said, there were some complications when we were trying to save Agent DiNozzo's life, but we've managed to bring him back. We had to give him about 50 seconds of CPR and two shocks, but he's stable now and his blood pressure is already better."

"He going to be alright?"

"He's going to have trouble talking for a few days; we put 14 stitches to close his neck's wound and some of the stitches on his shoulder were also ripped out, so we had to put some more stitches there; but at this point, I don't think there's been any setback in his recovery. He still needs a lot of rest and physical therapy for his shoulder and arm. And fortunately, the cardiac arrest hasn't caused any damage. So, aside from the additional pain, he pretty much is going to have the same path to go through as he had before this incident."

Gibbs sighed and turned on his heel to take another look at the room.

 _Jesus;_ Tony'd been hurt again and his heart had _stopped._ Yes _,_ he was going to be alright and that was what mattered the most, but the thought of Tony being technically dead, even for _one_ minute, sent shivers down Gibbs' spine.

His eyes fell on the dead man on the floor and for a moment Gibbs wished he weren't dead, so he could make him suffer for hurting Tony like that.

The doctor's voice brought him out of his reverie. "I can't believe Agent DiNozzo's managed to kill this guy with the condition he was in. Was he-"

Gibbs read the doubt in the other man' eyes. "He'd killed three innocent men years ago. DiNozzo once arrested him for that but he got free a few months back and he wanted revenge. He killed two more people just during the past week."

Doctor Morison's eyes hardened when he heard that. Saving people was his job, but he sure wouldn't mind when a cold-blooded murderer was killed while trying to commit another murder. And he was glad that Agent DiNozzo had been the one walking away from this mess.

"You can find your man in room 325, down the hall."

Gibbs nodded his thanks. "This is a crime scene. I'll call my team to come and take over, but till they get here, no one is to enter this room or touch anything."

"You got it."

.

Gibbs was about to walk towards Tony's new room when he heard his name; turning around, he found McGee standing there, looking downright frightened. He thought about yelling at him right then and there, but it was a hospital and chances were that he'd be thrown out himself if he did such a thing. So he poured all his rage in his eyes and quietly snarled. "What the hell are you doing here?"

The younger man hadn't been there when he should've, he wasn't needed there anymore and the least Gibbs was going to do was to suspend him for his stupidity.

"I-... I-" he gulped. "Tony-"

"Tony _what_?" The older man glared angrily.

"His room... Mark Clarkson... Blood... Tony-"

It seriously seemed like McGee was one step away from having a panic attack. Good thing Gibbs had gotten used to people stammering while talking to him.

"That's what happens when you leave your post, Agent McGee. You'd think they'd teach you these things at FLETC."

"They did. I know. I'm sorry, Boss, I really-"

"Save it." Gibbs growled. "You can thank your lucky star Tony is as competent as he is or right now instead of a dead murderer and a further injured partner, you would've had a dead partner and a lunatic back in the streets and that would've been all on you. Losing your job would've been the least of your concerns then."

Nodding his head, McGee looked down, feeling ashamed. He knew he'd been lucky and he wasn't thankful just because he wasn't going to lose his job; he was thankful because Tony was still alive; if anything had happened to Tony, he'd never forgive himself and besides, now he might still find the chance to ask for absolution; despite everything, he really wanted the older man's forgiveness. He _did_ want to be on Tony's good side, not because he was scared of what Tony would do to him, because an angry and disappointed Tony usually didn't do anything harsh and maybe that was worse; Tony's friendship was something that he'd taken for granted and he was _just_ realizing how precious it'd been and how awful it could be not to have it. He couldn't think of Tony not being there or hating him. Throughout the years, they'd had their issues, but at the end, Tony'd always let them off the hook and sometimes even too easily, if he was honest with himself.  
Until recently, Tim had no idea how miserable he'd feel if Tony gave up on them and didn't show any warmth and affability around them.

"Call David and Ducky. Process that scene and when you get back to the office, I want you to write you report and leave it on my desk. You're suspended for two weeks, Agent McGee; a formal reprimand will be added to your file and when you're back, you'll be on desk duty until further notice. Any question?"

Gibbs' tone of voice was so glacial and grim that McGee wished he'd just disappear into thin air. "No, Sir." He mumbled quietly.

"I didn't hear you." The lead agent growled.

"No, Boss. Umm-"

"Spit it out."

"Can I... Can I come and visit Tony? I need to apologize and I need to..." he looked up with pleading eyes. "Please."

Giving him a hard glare, Gibbs turned around. "That's not my call." With that, Gibbs walked away and left the truly chastised agent in the corridor.

...

Tony looked so pale that Gibbs had to double check the monitors to make sure the younger man was actually alive and breathing. He didn't like to think that way, but he actually looked paler that some of the corpses on Ducky's table and he was just _as_ still. And what was worse was the fact that it'd been a few hours since the fight Tony had been forced to put up in order to survive and get rid of Mark Clarkson and the doctor kept saying that Tony was doing alright; as alright as possible, at least; Gibbs had gone back to the office to take care of a few things, including McGee's file and their initial case, and now that he was back, Tony still hadn't changed a bit.

Back at the office, the older man had made sure that the case was closed properly and that Tony's name was cleared since he'd killed a suspect while he wasn't on active duty; Gibbs needed to take care of everything so that bastard wouldn't screw Tony's life even after his death.

Looking down at his agent and seeing the bandage around his neck, he was reminded of the struggle that Tony'd been put through and the lead agent hoped that at least the pain wouldn't be too much to bear. Tony deserved a break.

Putting his hand on Tony's forehead, Gibbs' heart clenched at the clamminess of Tony's skin.

A pair of tired green eyes opened and after a few seconds fixed on Gibbs' face.

"Good to have you back." Gibbs heaved a sigh of relief.

"Heard... You saved m' life." Tony's voice was hoarse and low.

" _You_ saved your own life. Nice job, by the way." The older man smiled faintly. "I merely called the hospital to make sure McGee's idiocy hadn't caused any damage, which obviously has."

"I told him to leave." Tony offered; it was in his nature to defend his people, but he wouldn't fight too hard anymore.

"And you know damn well that he shouldn't have. He could stay outside your room if it was what you wanted, but he shouldn't have left the hospital. He's not gonna get away with this one."

Tony didn't look like he cared. He ached all over and he didn't have the energy to argue. He decided that the Probie was old enough to stand up for himself. It was about time he accepted it and let him fight his own battles. If they didn't want Tony in their lives, he wouldn't go out of his way to be there for them either. With that thought in mind, he relaxed and felt that the knot in his chest loosened.

"Tell Lorie and Martin's families that we got the one responsible for their kids' murder." He murmured before dozing off.

"I will. I will and I'll make sure they know what you did to make that happen. Get some rest." Gibbs said fondly. "Good job, DiNozzo. Good job."

**.**

**.**

**... TBC ...**


	10. Chapter 10

It took Tony a little over two months to be able to pass all the evaluations and get a clean bill of health to get back to full field duty.

During the past two months, he'd tried to avoid his team as much as possible. His boss had been adamant that the younger man stayed at his place, but Tony had refused point blank, leaving Gibbs no other choice but to drop that subject, even though _'giving up'_ wasn't acceptable in the Lead Agent's book.

Tony's eyes had been cold and emotionless when he refused Gibbs' offer, saying that he didn't need anyone's sympathy and that he knew how to take care of himself since he'd been doing that almost his entire life. That had enraged Gibbs; he'd almost yelled at Tony, demanding to know why in the hell Tony would think he was offering his place out of pity. He really couldn't get it, he was _Gibbs_ , he didn't _do_ pity and Tony had been with him for almost 13 years, he knew it better than anyone else; it was ridiculous to even suggest that Gibbs didn't mean it when he asked his agent to stay with him.

But he hadn't yelled at the end; he wouldn't do that because something had changed in Tony; Gibbs couldn't tell what it exactly was for the life of him, but he knew that the look in Tony's eyes had changed and although he knew why that look was there, he didn't know how to chase it away.

Yes, he knew that _they_ had been the reason behind that change and he'd been trying his damnedest to fix his mistake, but it seemed like Tony'd closed a gate and no matter how hard they tried, he just wouldn't let them in anymore.

So, since he hadn't been able to get his younger friend to stay with him, he made sure that he'd visit Tony at his place every night and somehow Ducky and Palmer would always show up to see if he needed help, too, which was great, because Tony seemed more relaxed around them and even though the ex-cop wasn't hostile or even cold around him, he wouldn't smile all that often and he wouldn't initiate a conversation when they were alone and like that wasn't bad enough, somehow he never idled any hours away either, so even if Gibbs wanted to address their current issue he wouldn't find the chance.

Things didn't end there; Abby, McGee and Ziva didn't get a better treatment. Abby called and turned up on Tony's doorstep pretty often, as well, but Tony had managed to keep his distance. He was always polite and even friendly enough, but he didn't seem as close as he was before; he seemed to be all business these days and Gibbs had never thought he'd hate it so much.

Abby had asked Tony to go out with them for a dinner together or at least to have a drink or something, but he'd always excused himself.

And for some reasons, everyone had decided not to press that issue until Tony was back on field duty.

McGee visited Tony while he was still in the hospital, he'd tried to apologize for leaving him alone in the hospital. All Tony had said in return was that they all should learn from their mistakes. That simple sentence had disturbed McGee more than he could imagine, he'd absently thought that it'd probably feel better if Tony had just told him off; Tony's icy response had shocked him so much that he'd left his hospital room and never went back; he simply didn't find the courage in himself to do so.

Ziva gave Tony some space, but merely because she didn't know how to act around this new Tony. Once he was back to work, which was for desk duty at first, she'd tried to corner him and make him talk, but except silence and an indifferent look she hadn't gotten anything from him which was driving both her and Tim crazy.

They thought that once Tony was back to field duty, he would be better, maybe he'd even start helping them out again when Gibbs was angry at them. It was no secret that Tony wasn't made to sit behind a desk all day; the way his mind worked and the way he sometimes needed to check things for himself, showed how torturous it was for him to be restricted to desk duty. But by the third day back to full duty, Tony was still the same extremely polite and strange man he'd been the past couple of months; it'd made everything even worse for McGee since Gibbs would ignore him as much as possible, like he wasn't there at all and when the Lead Agent was forced to listen to him and say something back, he'd only growl; it was almost like he was blaming Tim for the changes in Tony's behavior and deep down, McGee knew his boss was partially right.

All in all, it'd been two months and McGee was still living in hell and Ziva wasn't far behind; two month and Abby was still trying to amend the situation; two months and Gibbs still hadn't seen a glimpse of old Tony; two months and Tony was still cold and distant.

.

"Hey, Tony." Abby called loudly as she strode into the bullpen and stood in front of Tony's desk. "Get your stuff, get your stuff. We're going out. All of us. We're throwing a welcome back party for you." She was practically bouncing up and down in her place, her fists up in front of her chest. After how Tony had ignored her the past two months, she knew that she was walking on thin ice there, but she wanted things back to normal, so she'd act as normal as possible in order to get what she wanted.

Tony looked amused at her excitement, but he leaned back in his chair and pulled the case file he was reading to his lap. "Thanks, but I can't. I've got work to do, Abs. You have fun, though."

"What?" Her face fell and it seemed like all the energy left her body at once. _'Tony was supposed to accept the invitation, even if reluctantly, and then they were supposed to take him to a restaurant and apologize to him for everything they had done and then Tony was supposed to smile and forgive them and give her a hug and-'_

Ziva's voice interrupted Abby's train of thought. "Oh, come on, Tony. The meal is on us, since when you decline a free meal?" She quipped from across the bullpen.

"Since I can pay for my own meal. Thank you very much, Agent David." Tony didn't even bother looking her way.

Both Abby and McGee send glares Ziva's way; they really needed her to stop putting her foot in it.

"But, Tony," Abby whined, "we all have been planning this party for _weeks_. You _have_ to come. Tell him, Gibbs."

"Gibbs can't order me when it comes to my personal life, you know that, right?" Tony said coldly before Gibbs could even open his mouth.

Everyone's eyes widened at that. It wasn't like Tony to talk that way about Gibbs, especially not in public. It was clear as day to everyone that he looked up to Gibbs and would do anything that the older man said as long as it wasn't outrageous and even then he wouldn't confront the boss in public; so, hearing him say that he no longer cared what his mentor said was a huge shock.

Gibbs winced inwardly and wished Abby hadn't brought him in. He'd long since realized that Tony was so disappointed in him that he no longer cared what the older man thought, _and all it had taken was a stupid remark which probably had been the last straw_. Of course, Gibbs was trying hard to gain Tony's absolute trust back, but so far it'd been to no avail. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to know how much Tony had detached himself from him and thanks to Abby it seemed like the cat was out of the bag now.

"Tony, please." Abby looked around to see if anyone would help her there, but McGee and Ziva were both too gobsmacked to do anything.

"I'm really not interested in partying or going out, Abby." Tony stood and grabbed his backpack; he suddenly was too drained to get any more work done. "I'll see you in the morning." He said and before walking out of the bullpen, he patted her shoulder, but it lacked the usual warmth and amity.

In a sudden motion, McGee jumped out of his chair and ran after Tony and stepped into the elevator just as the doors were about to close; it was like he'd found the courage to talk to Tony out of the blue and he knew that if he didn't do it then, he would never be able to do it later.

Tony sighed and leaned against the back wall, resigned to have the unpleasant discussion that he'd been trying to avoid for a while.

McGee flipped the emergency switch and brought the elevator to a halt.

"Is this all about that stupid party, Tony?" McGee asked indignantly. "Because I didn't mean anything by not inviting you. It wasn't even that much fun. Why are you making such a big deal out of it?"

"It's not about a simple party, Tim and if you think that little of me which I'm sure you do, then I have nothing to say. Because if after so many years I still have to explain myself to you and can receive absolutely no respect, then nothing I do now, would matter." He reached out to release the switch when McGee put his hand on his forearm to stop him.

Glaring at the hand on his arm and then at McGee, he watched as the younger man pulled his hand away and looked down. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? It was petty of me, of _us_. It wasn't nice what we did and I-... Well, OK, I just wanted to-... I don't know, Tony, I really don't know what to say." He shook his head in defeat.

"Then don't say anything." Tony said nonchalantly. "Nobody asked you for an explanation. I told you before and it seems like I have to repeat myself; you have _every_ right to invite anyone you like to your party. This isn't about a party, or _another_ party that I've been excluded from. This is about a friendship that I thought was there and counted on and finally realized that it was merely wishful thinking on my part."

"But-"

"You were right, McGee. I don't have many friends; in fact, I don't have _any_ real friends, anymore, due to a job that consumes all my time. But it doesn't matter as long as I can do my job and make a difference where I am. I'm used to this life and I've finally learned that I can't force my way into people's life. Better late than never, huh?" He smiled bitterly. "It's way past time I stopped acting like a five year old, as Gibbs would say. This way, I might not have friends and I might have to stop pretending to be so happy go lucky all the time, but at least, I might finally get some deserved respect from my teammates and _subordinates_." He deliberately emphasized on the last word to show that he didn't think of the junior agents as his equals anymore. They weren't friends, there was no need to pretend. "I respect you guys and I expect the same courtesy or there will be consequences, McGee. Make sure David knows that too. Consider this your last warning."

With that he flipped the switch and stayed quiet the rest of the elevator ride.

Throwing a _'good night, Tim'_ over his shoulder, he left the shell-shocked junior agent in the elevator car as he walked away.

Anthony DiNozzo was a man who knew how to adapt to any situation; he'd learned it at a very young age and nobody could deny _that_. He was going to show the world a glimpse of the _real_ Anthony DiNozzo and he knew that at least, _he_ was going to enjoy it.

**.**

**.**

**... The END ...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a sequel to this story which I'll post shortly. Check it out if you think this ending is not satisfying enough and you want more.
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and everything.


End file.
